Soul Chocolate

giving chocolate to others is an intimate form of communication, a sharing of deep, dark secrets…

Daddy Issues [Lessons from #Scandal] October 10, 2013

Filed under: milk chocolate — beautynobility @ 8:50 pm

All little girls want the approval of their father. Right?

I don’t know. I’ve heard that sentiment bounced around. The studies of how daddy issues negatively impact future relationships. I’ve spoken with men who are upfront with saying that they don’t want a relationship with a woman who has (unresolved) conflict with her father. (Which I understand. Though I don’t quite get how these same men get all up in arms when a woman asks them about their relationship with their parents…)

I think it should be extrapolated beyond just “daddy” issues to parent (or parental figure?) issues. My relationship with my parents is somewhat stilted at best, conflicted at worst. We go back and forth between a state of loving each other and having “happy dinners” and realizing just how far apart we are. Right now? We seem to be in a state of an uneasy truce, predicated upon my being an adult and them accepting me as such. Ionno.

I have seen, though, how my relationship with my parents has spilled over to the rest of my life. The way I accept other relationships, the amount of trust I have, my self-reliance, and reluctance to ask for help. My perfectionism, my need for security. All of these stem from my relationship with my parents.

So, yeah. Watching Scandal for the past couple weeks has triggered some thoughts about parental issues. Because, I thought I had daddy issues? Olivia Pope takes the cake.

Her father has been manipulating her life from the JUMP. He’s had her friends taken, people killed, ruined lives. As I watch, I can see how Olivia’s unhealthy responses to so many people stems from the craziness of her relationship with her father. Pope and Associates? The family she doesn’t have. Fitz? The man she can’t understand who’s out of her reach (hi dad), that’s she’s trying to bring close. Her need to save others and “wear the white hat?” Her desire to prove that she’s not her father.

Unfortunately, there’s no easy answer to these kinds of issues. If we could separate our current selves from our families, we wouldn’t be us. If I didn’t have the madness of my family, I wouldn’t appreciate the loyalty of my friends. If Olivia didn’t know her dad was THE O.G., she wouldn’t be helping so many people.

I suppose, as with Scandal, we just take the good with the bad. Dig deep, trust God, and pull the blessings from the muck.


Burpees: Workout Wednesdays October 9, 2013

Filed under: milk chocolate — beautynobility @ 7:17 pm

I hate working out. I am not one of those people who get happy endorphins; if Reese Witherspoon was describing me in a murder trial, I’d be guilty.

Nonetheless, I like the way I look since working out, so I do it. It’s been quite the adventure, searching the internet and pinterest for exercise routines that are varied. I’ve been searching for things I can do at home, and exercises that make use of the gym. Then, I had this bright idea to do a new series: workout wednesdays. I’ll be featuring an exercise, a workout, or something to do with working out, my feedback and thoughts. Obviously, I am not an expert. My opinions are mine alone, and probably not worth a ton; I just thought another beginner exerciser would enjoy the feedback. But, yeah. Here goes.

This week: Burpees.

AKA Satan’s exercise. I DESPISE BURPEES.

I forgot how much I hated burpees, because I’d blocked them out of my memory after gym class. Then, last year, my friend SW reintroduced me to them in a training session. Needless to say, I rediscovered my hatred of burpees immediately.

Irrespective of my disdain, burpees are incredibly effective. Cardio, to get your heart rate up. Core muscles engaged to pull the body up. Arm and leg strength in one. No wonder it’s so hard to find a weightless exercise routine that doesn’t include the dreaded burpees.

So. Looking for a good exercise you can do at home? Try Satan’s exercise – the burpee.


I’m Running For Promise – and you can help! October 8, 2013

Filed under: milk chocolate — beautynobility @ 8:56 am

run for promise

When I was contemplating turning 29, I made a list of goals, things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 30. The very first thing that came to mind was a physical goal, because I’m really not exercise-minded at all. I need motivation to get off the couch, out of bed, and actually – ew – sweat. So my first goal: to run a 5K.

The time has come. In 12 days, I’m running the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon 5K. And, to make it extra motivating, I’m running on behalf of UrbanPromise Toronto. I worked with UrbanPromise for two years, and the work they do is amazing. Though my “physical” work with them may be complete (for now?), I will always support them – so raising money for their great work is my pleasure.

Why am I telling y’all this (beyond my need to write every day for a month and compulsive need to overshare)? I desperately need your support. The goal set for me to raise is $100, but I would LOVE to bring in $500 for UrbanPromise. That really just means 50 people giving $10 each. Don’t let that “number” scare you; you can give as much, or as little, as you are able. Right now, knowing that there are people who are supporting me would be incredibly motivating to go outside and run.

So please, support me by giving a secure online donation using your credit card by clicking the following link:

I’ll be posting pictures from this run, so we can all enjoy, and I will be personally thanking each of my sponsors. UrbanPromise is a terrific organization. I’m going to run. Let’s all come together to make it happen.



Living With Me October 7, 2013

Filed under: milk chocolate — beautynobility @ 8:07 pm

One of my favorite “guilty pleasure” shows is Big Brother. I enjoy watching the machinations and manipulations; the microchasm of politics and power at play. The ways that people group themselves, and choose who deserves their loyalty, is fascinating to me. Equally interesting is the way people play: heart or head? Do they make voting choices based on those around them, or based on what is best for their game? Do they vote someone out because they find them (morally or otherwise) repugnant, or bite the bullet and keep in their enemy for the sake of their play?

Perhaps no season brought this to head as much as this past summer’s season. If you watch the show, you may be aware that there was an over-abundance of derogatory remarks, particularly those relating to race and sexuality. Yet, those who were the biggest offenders were kept in the game – one ultimately winning second place. As I watched (and reacted), I couldn’t help but wonder: how could they live with themselves after making those choices? at what point does your personal have to take precedence over the “smart” thing to do?

In general. In life. At what point is a decision something you make because of where you stand, consequences be damned?

Of course, this can bring to mind the “big” things, like civil rights or religious freedoms; but, what about the smaller choices?

For me, one of these choices was leaving a job because I could no longer handle the atmosphere. I truly prayed about it, stepped out, and left. And it’s been hard. There are no guarantees that if you do the right* thing, you will be rewarded (despite what prosperity gospel proponents may espouse). Sometimes, you end up unemployed and miserable. Sometimes, you end up in jail (see, eg, civil rights movement). Sometimes, you end up crucified (see, eg, Jesus). But, whether the consequence be big or small, you have to live with you.

Though there have been times in the past several months where I should have regretted my decision, I can’t. Because, despite how everyone else may feel about the wisdom of my actions, I know that I’m the one left facing my thoughts and waking up to myself. I’m the one living with me, and making the best out of my circumstances. Defiant? Maybe. True? Absolutely.

This may become my yardstick: can you face Christ with a pure heart about this decision? Can you live with you after making it? If the answer to either of those is faltering, I know I need more time.

Because, I need to be able to live with me.


Sunday Psalmists October 6, 2013

Filed under: milk chocolate — beautynobility @ 9:07 pm

a great friend introduced me to this group, All Sons and Daughters, and I’ve become obsessed with this song. It’s been the cry of my heart for the past while, and a reminder that when there seems to be no reason, I will be given a reason to sing.