““Don’t ever worry and say, ‘What are we going to eat?’ or ‘What are we going to drink?’ or ‘What are we going to wear?’ Everyone is concerned about these things, and your heavenly Father certainly knows you need all of them. But first, be concerned about his kingdom and what has his approval. Then all these things will be provided for you. “So don’t ever worry about tomorrow. After all, tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matt. 6:31-34)
“Never worry about anything. But in every situation let God know what you need in prayers and requests while giving thanks. Then God’s peace, which goes beyond anything we can imagine, will guard your thoughts and emotions through Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:6-7)
“But my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory.” (Phil. 4:19)
i’m coming off a week of great stress. worry. anxiety. my first panic attack. a week of wondering about the future. literally worrying about what i would eat. drink. not so much wear, because i’ve got some pretty great clothes. where i would live. if i would get a job. if i was a failure. on. and on. and on.
and other worries, completely unrelated began piling in. would i ever get married. what if i can’t have kids. what if something happens to my friends. people i love. how is my sister. my mom. it’s like the worry gate cracked open, and all the anxieties flooded in.
because i have been blessed with a fabulous community, those worries didn’t remain long. at least, not outwardly. i was given affirming verses. reminded of God’s faithfulness in the past. encouraged that i can accomplish things, and it may just take time. i even received a prophecy about why there’s been a delay.
but it wasn’t really until today that i stopped worrying. the little ball in the pit of my stomach that makes the smile when someone asks me about graduation in 30 days (!!) be a bit more forced – that ball unfurled today.
i got a scholarship. an award. a substantial award.
it’s not just the money, because really, money comes and goes. it’s not the compliment that the award brings, the recognition of my achievements and character and aspirations and heart.
it’s what it represents. it’s God’s rainbow to me. His sign – again – that He will supply my needs. that He hears. He knows. He knows that i can’t afford the bar. He knows that i’m paying back my loans right now. He knows that it wasn’t just the “what am i going to do in august” that scared me, but “how am i putting gas in my car to drive back home.” He knows. and with one email, in one interview, He bestowed favor on me, and did not withhold the good thing i needed.
He’s provided my eat. my drink. what i’ll wear. i’ll hold on to this moment when the “i don’t have a job” feeling rises. i’ll cling to this when the “i’m not married” moment comes. He knows. and in His perfect timing, at His pace, just when i’ll appreciate it most and turn the glory to Him, He provides.
join me in praise to the utmost and highest God. gather with me at my ebenezer, rejoice with me as I look across the parted red sea. my God is the God who provides. He always has, and rest assured – from me to you – He always will.