Soul Chocolate

giving chocolate to others is an intimate form of communication, a sharing of deep, dark secrets…

“in the meantime” March 21, 2012

Filed under: milk chocolate — beautynobility @ 8:37 am

until. in between. in the meantime.

words we say when we’re in a holding pattern, just waiting, watching for the ‘better thing’ to arrive. “i’ll work on my piano until my friend comes.” “i’ll season chicken in between tv shows.”

words i found myself saying last week to a friend: i’ll find a career to do until i get married. i need something to do in the meantime.

it hit me: i’ve reached the point that i’ve always viewed with contempt in other women. you know the women. the ones who half-heartedly pursue a job/career, but don’t really go full tilt because they’re always sure that marriage is right around the corner. that their prince is almost here. so why jeopardize that amazing future with something as lame as the calling of God?

yeah. it is that harsh. because that’s what i heard from God: i was so busy living for man (literally, living for a man), that i neglected to truly seek His face about my calling.

this hit home as i began my devos this morning. psalm 95:6-7 says: “come let us worship and bow down, let us kneel before the Lord our God, our maker. For He is our God, and we are the people of His pasture, and the sheep of His hand.” fairly innocuous, simple praise to God, right? wrong…at least for me today. i realized that by, even subconsciously, living my life in a holding pattern, i am not worshipping God. i am acting like someone else’s person, i am being led as the sheep of someone else. and how, how could a just, righteous, jealous God be any less than pleased with that? how could a just, righteous, jealous God permit me to walk in any less than whole-hearted devotion to Him?

i have realized that the only “meantime” i need to live in, is ‘until Christ returns.’ until i am caught up to glory to be with Him. until i can truly see Jesus face to face. He is the only Man i will wait on, the only One for whom i will live my life in joyful anticipation.

may i, may you, stop living in the meantime, and live in the now. for this is the day that the Lord has made. rejoice! be glad! be led like His sheep, and your boundaries will be in pleasant places, your grass green, your table spread. rejoice, for He has given a glorious day!

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because it makes me happy March 12, 2012

Filed under: milk chocolate — beautynobility @ 4:53 pm

this is about to be my motto for the rest of the school year. “why are you doing that, Cha?” “because it makes me happy.”

*image found at etiquetteforalady.tumblr.com

 

quick whit March 6, 2012

Filed under: milk chocolate — beautynobility @ 11:20 am

as i drove for 12 hours this weekend, i cranked up my whitney favorites to get me through the boring part of California.

“i need a man who’ll take a chance on a love that burns hard enough to last…”

i love to dance. i love to dance with tall men who don’t take themselves or the dance too seriously, though they are committed to making sure that i have a fabulous time. but not just the dance – i want to dance life with somebody. i want to go through the ups and downs, the good and bad times, and dance with somebody who will be there for me. somebody who will lead through the waltzes, allow me to shimmy through the salsas, give us the freedom to freestyle through the contemporary, and come back together at the end. i want to do life with someone who knows who he’s called to be, but doesn’t take himself too seriously. who rejoices in life, but doesn’t give it too much credit. who is committed to ensuring that, when all is said and done, i’ve had a fabulous time dancing life with him.

“there’s a boy i know, he’s the one i’m dreaming of…”

you know that one. the one that makes you kind of smile when you say his name. the one that makes your heart speed up when you see his name in your phone/email. the one that you kind of want to talk to all the time, talk about all the time, but you fear boring your friends. the one that could make you drop everything just to spend time with him. the one who says your name in a tone unlike any other.

the one you hope doesn’t know his power in your life – at least not until you know he loves you. or cares at least as much as you do.

can i hold it against him that he has so much going on right now? can i be upset that he hasn’t found me? that i haven’t found him? that perhaps, for this time in his life, i’m not his (number one) priority? could i really love a man who would drop everything that makes him him to be with me? is that what will tell me that he really loves me?

“how will i know if he really loves me? i say a prayer with every heartbeat. i’m fall in love whenever we meet. i’m asking you because you know about these things.”

 

all i ever wanted March 5, 2012

Filed under: milk chocolate — beautynobility @ 3:51 pm

my least favorite interview question ever came during my final (!) interview for this awesome job last week: what’s your 10-15 year career plan?

i have no idea. i have absolutely no idea, because truthfully i don’t think about that. isn’t that strange? i, who obsess over what feels like everything in my life, don’t have a 15 year career plan. i wondered and wondered about that until this weekend.

DG and i have been friends since the womb. no, really. we’re born 6 weeks apart, and i can’t remember a time when she hasn’t been in my life. anyway, she was here for a work thing and i was able to kidnap her thursday night. we stayed up till 4am teeheeing about nothing, and at some point she said something that made me realize she’d put my heart on paper:

as much as i love my work and my passion, my heart’s desire is to be a wife and a mother.

of course, all of you are like, “duh, Cha, we knew that about you.” well, i knew that too. but it clicked. like, just clicked. the reason i don’t have a 15 year career plan is because that’s not my focus. that’s not where my heart, my passionate prayers, my dreams lie. i mean, yeah, i want to be successful, change the world, blah blah blah, but really? what i really want to say 15 years from now is that i’m a fabulous wife and mother. everything else is icing.

now, does that mean i don’t want to work in addition to being a mommy? of course i do. i have dreams of non-profits and public defenders, and hopes for all of that. but i don’t agonize over that. and if it never happens because i was being a great mommy and gorgeously accomplished wife, i don’t think i’ll look back on my deathbed and be sad. but if i never have the wife and mother? i might look back at all i accomplished and be pleased, but always with a tinge of…something.

ugh. i just realized that the one true deep dream i have is not dependent on myself. i can’t just wake up and decide to accomplish it. that’s annoying. and totally another post for another day.