Soul Chocolate

giving chocolate to others is an intimate form of communication, a sharing of deep, dark secrets…

your love makes me smile October 29, 2010

Filed under: milk chocolate — beautynobility @ 11:10 am

i want this.

this genuine love, peace, and laughter. you can totally see that he just said something super sweet and hilarious to her. the laugh on her face is not just a “you’re hilarious.” it’s definitely a “you’re hilarious and i love that you love me like i love you.”

you can tell the difference. you can tell a woman in love by how she smiles when she opens a text. the softening in her eyes when she answers the phone. the way she glances over her shoulder, across the table, around just to linger on him a little longer. just to remind herself that he’s real, the love’s real, and it’s hers.

this is what i want. this is what i see in the truly in love people around me. i just want this smile, this laugh, this look in my eyes.

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the v word October 22, 2010

Filed under: milk chocolate — beautynobility @ 12:25 pm

i’ve been challenged a lot lately on how i think about virginity, and particularly, my virginity. am i proud of it? ashamed of it? reticent about sharing? i’ve read a lot of blogs where the perspective is (or seems to be) that women who are virgins are naive, bumbling, and unenlightened.  the latest set me off on a rant and a decision to share something with the world at large:

all virgins are not brainwashed fools.  being a virgin does not mean that a woman was unpopular, unattractive, unwanted, smelly, or stupid in their younger years. being a virgin does not mean that a woman looks down on a woman is not. i repeat, being a virgin does not mean that a woman looks down on a woman who is not one.

(some) women who are virgins are women who made  a conscious decision, based on religious/moral/spiritual/health/emotional grounds not to have sex. that’s really all. she made a decision, one she chooses to stick to for a time that she has predetermined. and just as society lauds those who  make a decision to have sex when they choose with whomever they choose, so should society laud those who choose not to have sex. being a grown woman is not about what you do, but rather responsible decision-making. for some of us grown women, that responsible decision-making included not having sex. and guess what, a sign to us that a man is a grown man is that he won’t “deal with” our virginity like it’s some handicap. no, a grown man will respect and treasure it as a decision that we made – and honour the fact that he’s with a woman who made thoughtfully made a decision that’s right for her. and part of grown up relationships is having mature discussions about this – and if it’s not something each party can respect, moving forward without recrimination.

this is not about the merits of virginity or sex. again, this is not to say that virgins should be on some pedestal that others can’t reach. this is to say, quite simply, STOP TREATING US LIKE PARANORMAL FREAKISH CHILDREN WHO HAVEN’T HAD THE HONOUR OF EXPERIENCING THE GOOD LIFE! we have experienced a great life – the one that’s great for us.

 

have i told you lately that i love you

Filed under: milk chocolate — beautynobility @ 10:33 am

i love love. like, i legit love the idea of love, the greatness of love, the power of love. love is polarizing; no one is indifferent about it. when asked, i’ve never heard (of) someone (who would) say, “love? meh. it’s aiight, take it or leave it.” no, there are the people who love it (“all i want to do is love”), and people who hate it (“love sucks!”).

i’m definitely of the “all i want to do is love” camp. when given the  option, i will always choose loving. i want friends. i want to do more than get along with others, i want to love them.

i want to love fiercely, deeply, passionately. and no, not just romantically. i mean, i want to be known to love my family, friends, strangers in ways that bring them closer to God and show them the beauty in themselves.

love, true love, is not the self-serving, self-aggrandizing, overwhelming nothingness that is so commonly touted.  it is not the thing we fall in and out of without recourse or thought. love, true love, raises us up, pushes us forward. it tells us what we don’t want to hear as much as what we do want to hear. it reveals the disparateness of ourselves as much as the glories of our souls.  it shows our ugliness to make us more beautiful. yet, in the midst of all that, it never tears us down to build us up. no, it revels in placing brick up on brick, glory upon glory, until we look inward and realize we’re a more wonderful being than we were before love entered our lives.

because that, to me, is the magic of love. when loved, and loved properly, we see who we really are. when loved, we become better people. when loved, we see who God created us to be. i am not who i am because i motivate myself; i am who i am because of the people who love me. there are things i will never do because i don’t want to disappoint my strongest supporters (my grandpa, mom, and dad).  there are things i strive for because i want to show those behind me it’s possible (purple, mymy, blondie, my kids).  all i do, all i hope to be, is in response to love.

 

call me October 20, 2010

Filed under: milk chocolate — beautynobility @ 5:53 pm

I love phone calls. Really. Well, maybe I should clarify: I love personal phone calls. I love when my phone rings and it’s a friend (or even acquaintance)…just someone who wants to talk to me.

This clicked for me the other day when I was cleaning out my text inbox and realized I had ALOT of texts and not nearly as many calls.  I was immediately saddened and had to question myself – why do I like phone calls so much? Why do I care?

99.9% of my close relationships are long distance.  My closest friends and family are all at least a time zone away.  So yeah, we text, email, facebook, tweet, and gchat, but when they call me, it’s something special. It means that they took the time to calculate the time and settled in for a good conversation (because we’re always on for a while).

That was the crux of it: they took the time and wanted to talk to me.  A text takes maybe 1 min.  An email, if well composed, 5-10 min.  A phone call is unpredictable.  The conversation can take of and last anywhere from 5 min to hours on end.  They can elicit feelings and varied topics.  Texts, emails, those remain limited to the proposed topics.  You can’t analyze tone of voice, pauses, thinking moments, anything like that in a text or email. But in a phone call? You can ask why they said it as they did, why they paused for 30 seconds before answering a question. You can hear the frown or smile in the other person’s voice. And let’s not get started on that “special” phone call that begins in the evening and continues until you are wrapped up in bed. That phone call when you can hear the sleep in the other person’s voice…

A phone call is intimate.  And that intimacy, to me, means more than any other form of communication (besides something in person).

So, in case you were wondering, here’s my hierarchy of communication:

nothing<facebook<twitter<email<text<phone call< in person.

 

competition tomorrow October 13, 2010

Filed under: milk chocolate — beautynobility @ 1:52 pm

the fears are back.

what if i’m not good enough?

do i want this too much?

is this what i’m supposed to do?

am i in the right place? at the right time?

is this my purpose?

it’s my dream – but is it God’s for me?

it’s my desire – but is it the one He has?

maybe i’m the wrong person. maybe i need to try something else. maybe i need a backup. maybe i need more faith.

sigh. not my will.