So, seriously, be careful what you wish for. Like, for real, for real.
I asked God for a few things back in my ramblings. Just some stuff I thought would be fun, you know, to add spice to the dullness that is school.
OH MY BLESSED WORD!!!!! He decided not to play with me. It’s like He looked around and said, “sure why not? I’ll give you one..or two…or ten…” and then DID IT!
But now the quandary: do I really want what I thought I wanted? More than that: do I believe that God truly wants to satisfy my desires and give me what I want?
This is where the problem lies. I know that God is not some magic genie or grandpa just waiting to do everything I ask to make me happy. SO much so that I’ve become accustomed to not getting what I truly desire. Thus, when the option is presented to have it, I’m faced with disbelief that such a deeply personal desire could be answered and begin to wonder if I can (or should) have it. I’m left questioning: do I deserve this? is it God? is it a temptation out of line? Is it…even mine? Did I make this up?
And this is why I can’t have random questions answered. I over analyze every living thing, in an attempt to know it all. Really, I should just enjoy the moment and then study.
Hmmm. If one thing has been revealed in this, it’s my esteem issues. Sigh. Another thing to pray about. Time to go study.