Now you too can go to a doctor. March 21, 2010

Yes, I know. It’s been a week. Sorry, I’ve been busy with a little thing called the week from hell spring break and a chance to lose my self esteem develop my legal writing skills. I’ll be back with my insights on God, stress, and too much work in a bit.

But this historic moment was too much to miss. Unless you’re living under a rock (or in Nunavut), you know that on Sunday March 21, 2010 at approximately 10:45 pm ET the United State House of Representatives passed the Health Care Reform bill.  This bill has been on the minds of several presidents, and President Barack Obama, husband of the wonderful Michelle Obama, pushed tirelessly to get it accomplished.  Credit also needs to be given to Nancy Pelosi, first female Speaker who worked her behind and connections off to get this passed.  It was fabulous. I personally believe it is the most historic and important bill since the Civil Rights Act (which also did not receive ONE Republican vote. #noshots #justsaying).

But what has been concerning to me is the backlash both the President, Pelosi, Democrats, and Republicans are taking over this.  I have some ideas fermenting in my mind about God, respecting leaders regardless of their ideologies, and the role of race in all this. But in the meantime, I would like to remind you, my dear chocolatiers, that what makes a democratic society great is the freedom its people have to express their views, be they majority, minority, or just plain quirky.  When the opposition’s voice is stifled, the system becomes stagant, and anything stagnant is dead.  Any living organism must change. And change comes only when all people are heeded, and indeed, respected.

For an interesting, and humourous, perspective on all of this and a Tea PartyProtest, go to averagebro.com.

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Discouragement always comes. March 14, 2010

This is a major week here. Like, epic. Instead of spring break, we have to complete a huge project with a partner.  There has been so much build-up to this, I just wanted to get it over with.

So I started. Began my research. Set up timelines with my partner. Did a schedule of my days – which, based on the weather was looking pretty great.

Then my laptop died. My charger refused to work.at.all. Epic Fail.

I literally almost threw the laptop at the wall in the library. Literally, I picked it up, and was prepared to throw it and shatter it when I remembered that I probably would be in bigger trouble if I broke the actual laptop as well.

So I did the responsible thing – I sent a text to my faithful few at home requesting prayers, and went on amazon to order a new charger. All the while, grumbling at God that my charger broke TODAY and I was stuck with nothing.

I was immediately convicted about my attitude. The laptop itself was fine. I was able to order a new charger for $15.00, and by all accounts and appearances it should work fine.  My school has a computer lab, fully equipped for all my needs.  I can access Pandora so I’ll have music (and that’s clearly most important). And truthfully, I’ll probably get more accomplished if I actually have to leave my room to work.

Before I even knew what the need was going to be, God provided.

“He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap” Psalm 113:7

Moses and Self-Esteem March 11, 2010

I’ve been doing the “read the Bible in a year” (or so) thing.  Kind of started in January, fell off a bit, back on now. It’s probably very telling that it’s the 11th of March and I’m only on the 15th chapter of Exodus. Clearly I need to step my game up. Oh well…quality not quantity right?

Moving right along…so the past few days, I’ve really been stuck on the calling of Moses. Yes, I’ve kept reading, but I keep going back to that. I think it’s because I relate so well to his low self-esteem.

It’s really so amusing when you think about it. Dude was saved by God from certain death.  Raised in a castle – by the person who ordered his death. Exiled to the wilderness, but then given a priest as a father-in-law, and a pretty fly woman as a wife. Two (and perhaps more) sons. Personal encounter with God. One-on-one miracle time. Note: this is all before the whole confronting Pharoah, red sea thing. Yet, he persisted in telling God how unfit he was, and the reasons why he couldn’t succeed. Seriously?!? God just did amazing things, solely for YOU and you’re gonna sit there and tell Him why it won’t work. Right. I forgot that’s the way it’s done.

But lest I mock Moses too quickly, I was reminded of the way I’ve done that. I was healed at a month old. Preserved from some craziness.  Graced with brains.  Given scholarships and grants out of no where.  Amazing favour when I definitely shouldn’t have it.  More close friends, some of whom have been in my life since birth, than most people have in a lifetime. Yet, everytime a new task comes up, I promptly tell God why I can’t do it. Each moment I wonder about my future, and (get ready for a gasp, shock) husband, I tell God that I’m not pretty/charming enough. When faced with a major school assignment, I tell God I’m not smart enough.

I.am.Moses. Called to greatness (as are we all), yet scared to reach out for it. Send Aaron. Please. Look how smart and eloquent he is. I’m not worthy. Why me?

Why me?

And then I’m told: because He is who He is. and nothing upsets Him more than my self-doubt in the face of His love and approval.

deep, deep fear…

note: pic taken from postsecret.com

What a night! March 10, 2010

I just had to update and say, I had a wonderful evening. Began with a great Bible study, where one of the deans spoke on work-life balance and really reminded us of the importance of priorities. What’s important? What are the things you can’t live without? Put those first, and work hard at everything else.

Then, I went to a wonderful dinner, hosted by the organization I’ll be working with this summer.  I had dinner with past interns, a professor who did the program and is now a member of their faculty, and the current interns.  It was great, and gave me hope that I’ll have a stimulating, interesting, and exciting summer with this organization. I really got to know some solid people – and my prof is fabulous. Seriously, in my mind she and I are really good friends. I told her that and she laughed. (note: this is not nearly as creepy as it sounds, she’s definitely the age of some of my best friends).  Actually, I’m seriously considering asking her to be one of my mentors. What say you chocolatiers??

I think I may have enjoyed the dinner most because I had a really good conversation about race relations, politics, and the varied experience across the African Diaspora. It really took me back  to Spelman, and it was refreshing.  I think I’ve felt stifled in those conversations here, and to have one was like water to my poor desert soul.

So I just wanted to reassure you, my dear chocolatiers, that all is not death and despair here in my land. Many of these posts may be 100% cocoa, but some will be white chocolate.  And this was definitely a white chocolate evening. (Get it? The cocoa amount in the chocolate…never mind…)

Thoughts? What makes a “white chocolate” day for you, chocolatiers?